Attend Every Parenting Class

                      

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If you’ve been assigned to Parenting Classes, make sure you attend every one. Show up early, bring a notebook and pen, read the material, do the homework. Participate in every discussion and ask questions. Most of all listen and understand what is being taught. It is valuable information. You are there to learn.

It would appear to most Social Workers that you need to learn to be a parent. Parenting doesn’t come naturally to everyone, therefore it would be wise to listen and ask questions. You won’t be condemned for asking questions. If you have a good instructor, you will be encouraged. Even parents who don’t have involvement with “the system” benefit from some sort of parenting class.

Again, there are no excuses for not attending. If you are deathly ill show up anyways and let the instructor decide if you are too sick to attend.

Show up to every visit. Early

At the point which “the system” gets involved, you are now under a microscope. It would benefit you to be aware of your actions at all times. You now have no room for error and you will be expected to play by societies rules. A good place to start is visits. You will be expected to show up every time.

Flu bug got you down? No money for gas? Flat tire? Buses running late? Earthquake? Tornado? Tsunami? No excuse for not attending a visit. No matter what the reason for your absence from the visit, it will be noted and remembered. Consequently, if you make them “when you can” those wont be as noticed as the missed ones. Just noted.

Arrive early. Always, be 30 minutes early. It’s best that you are the one waiting not the children. Children don’t like to wait, and it will be noticeable if they are unhappy because you were late. If there is risk of traffic, plan for it. Again, no excuse will suffice. Be early.

Bring a snack for the kids and their favorite toys. The visit is for them. Make it fun, so they feel relaxed. Remember they miss you terribly, so help them ease this difficult situation by bringing things they like. Make sure the snack is nutritious. Fruit, nuts, veggie sticks, crackers. When possible stay away from sugary items, as the Foster parents will have to pay the consequences of hyped up kids.

A word about Foster parents, they are caring for your children. Treat them with the utmost respect. They may not parent the way you would like, but they are caring for the ones you love more than anyone. Don’t speak poorly of them in front of or to your children.

Meeting the Mandates

You’ve read the statistics, now how will you remove this enormous ball and chain?

Check each mandate off your list. Possible mandates might include; Parenting classes, therapy, drug classes and testing, restitution, supervised visits. Whatever the mandates, they will be your responsibility to take care of them. If you have a job, it will be tough. If you don’t than you have plenty of time while your kids are away.

Mandates will be your full time job. There will be parenting classes, drug classes, therapy, and visits. Some of these things might be once a week, some twice. Make sure your schedule allows for all these things. Hopefully, you will be allowed 2 visits a week with your children. Don’t miss any. If you’re feeling exhausted and overwhelmed you are probably meeting those mandates.

I can’t say this enough, keep open communication with your social worker and foster parents. They can support you if you let them. It is the job of the social worker to keep kids safe. It may seem as if they are the enemy and you can feel any negative emotion you want, however if your kids have been taken from you there is a reason. You know that reason. Now, that being said most parents do the best they know how. It may not be good enough, but it’s the best that they can do. Its time to learn how to parent. If you truly love your kids it would be wise not only to take your parenting classes and participate. Read everything there is to read. Parenting doesn’t come naturally to everyone. Some people don’t bond with their kids easily. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, but you might need to see a therapist to figure out why this is a problem.

Keep your list of mandates out where you can easily find it and read it every day.

CPS Facts (Series #1)

            There are entire government agencies devoted to protecting children against their own parents. According to the Department of Health and Human Services, there were 408,452 children in foster care as of September 30, 2010. Just less than half a million kids live with care givers who are not their parents. Numbers are improving. In 2006 there were 510,000 children in the foster care system. Regardless the numbers are astounding. 

            The reasons for placement vary. Neglect, physical and sexual abuse, drug use and abuse, jail are some of the reasons children end up in the foster care system. In 2009 48% lived in nonrelative foster homes, 24% lived in relative foster homes, 10 % were in institutions, 6% group homes, 5% were allowed home for trial visits in hopes of discharge from the foster care system, 4% lived with preadoptive families, 2% ran away, 1% lived independently under supervision. More than half had goals to return home.

               More than a third of runaways had been in the foster care system at some point. In a study done by Contra Costa County found that of foster children end up homeless and 35% get arrested while in the foster care system.

            According to Childhelp.org, children who are sexually abused are 2.5 times more likely to abuse alcohol and 3.8 times more likely to develop some sort of drug addiction. Two thirds of people in treatment for drug abuse say they were abused as a child. Children who are abused are 59% more likely to be arrested as a juvenile, 28% more likely to be arrested as an adult, and 30% more likely to commit a violent crime.

30% of these children will likely abuse their own kids. 80% of 21 years olds who have been abused meet the criteria for at least one psychological disorder.

            The annual cost of child abuse in 2007 was estimated at 104 Billion dollars. These fees include hospitalization for serious injuries of mistreated children, mental health care for victims of abuse, child welfare services to protect neglected and abused children, law enforcement costs for interventions, special education, juvenile delinquency costs, mental and physical health care, and criminal justice costs for adults who were abused as children. The numbers are staggering and the statistics disheartening.

             

CPS series

Starting on Tuesday I will be posting the CPS series. This series is aimed to aid families who have open CPS cases or have had them knocking on your door.
If you choose you can win this battle. I will show you how the choices you make can make or break the outcome.
Hopefully by the end of this series you will feel empower and motivated to do whats necessary to be a family.

Family fun even when you feel like crap!

 

You know kids need family time even if you feel shitty. You can make it easy on yourself and help the kids feel special. Really if the kids feel special, they will be far better behaved making your life easier. To quote Charlie Sheen "winning". Here are some ideas.

1. Cooking. You will probably need to cook dinner so let them help. Small kids can open things, pour things, and stir things. Older kids can cut, mix and cook. The end result will hopefully be delicious.

2. Parks. Smaller kids will run off energy, you can relax offer encouragement maybe push the swing. Take older kids to the skate park. You can sit back and watch. They will love showing off. Don't forget helmets, pads and bubble wrap.

3. Family pictures. Just take them. Don't get dressed up, take them impromptu. Those are always the best. Everyone will look relaxed, and hopefully happy. With a little luck those will be great memories for the kids.

4. Read. Small kids love to be read to. It's not hard work for parents, in fact it's probably the easiest and most important family time you'll have.

You had these children, find time to help them be contributing members of society.

9/10/11

Today has auspicious numbers. Tomorrow does not.

Active listening

Want to help someone feel valuable? Become an active listener. There are several ways to demonstrate active listening. The tone in which you participate in conversation. You can tell someone you love them, but your tone can tell a different story. The abrasive way you speak or the kindness in your voice will speak the truth. People will pick up on that before the words you say. Here are a few key points.

1. Pay attention. Look at them when they are talking. "Listen" to their body language.

2. Show you are listening. Nod, smile use facial expressions. Encourage the person with small verbal comments such as "yes" and "uh huh".

3. Give feedback. Ask to claify any statements without judgement.

4. Defer judgement. Allow him to finish and dont interupt with counter arguements.

5. Respond appropriately. Give all opinions respectfully be open and candid with responses.


Being an active listener will improve communication and encourage better relationships.

Family time and physical activity

I hope this long beautiful weekend has found everyone happy, safe and active. Childhood obesity is a crisis in the United States. Busy lifestyles and single parent homes contribute to a rise in sedetary, unhealthy children. Here are a few facts. There is alarming increase in the number of children and adolescents developing Type-2 Diabetes (also termed as adult-onset diabetes) due to being overweight. The high levels of cholesterol and high blood pressure, that are some of the main risk factors for development of heart diseases, are found in most of the obese children. Sleep Apnea (interruption of breath while sleeping) is considered as the most severe problem faced by obese children.  In rare cases, this sleep apnea may lead to other problems like difficulty in learning and memory. Obese children are on higher risk of developing, liver diseases, orthopedic problems and asthma. More than 70% obese adolescents retain their overweight and obese condition even during their adulthood. I hope your holiday weekend finds you happy and healthy. Lola

Fire!

It's fire season, oops I mean fall. Some years back there was a large forest fire threatening our community. Evacuations were called we were basically homeless for a week. The kids loved it! They called it "evacuation vacation" no school for a week. It fell the week of Halloween and my daughters 16th birthday. No "super sweet 16", but unforgettable for sure. Turned out not to be a major disaster for us but other neighborhoods burned to the ground. Now when theres report of a fire I check google map to see the distance in direct line to calculate our risk and potentential for another impromptu vacation.

I'M late!

Good Morning!
How did your morning go? Did your kids make it to school on time? Were you on time to work? Were you more the normal family, late out the door rushing to drop off the kids barely making it to work. Oh it's hard!! What strategies do you use to make it on time? The obvious is to prepare the night before, but by the time everyones settled sleep becomes number one!
Share your ideas for a stress free morning.

New School Year

Good Morning! Schools back in session. For some that's good for others its one more stress.
Do your kids get off to school with a healthy breakfast and a smile? Do they drag out of bed skip breakfast, and arrive late or do they skip school altogether? If they are young getting them to school may not be easy, but it is doable. If they are teenagers, school may not even be on their list of things to do.
The first thing I would do is ask straight, "why aren't you going?" The initial answer will probably be vague. "I don't like it", "I don't know", "it's boring". The child might be having an issue with bullying. Possibly the child is ditching to get high, hang out with his friends. You will need to find out, however don't try to bully him into talking you will push him away. Take it slow especially if your relationship isn't great. Inquire, and if your not getting a "real" answer than wait. Try again the next day. Enlist the school's help, but be careful. Once the kid starts feeling like he's being backed into the wall you will lose the battle. By the way, yelling isn't a good tactic unless your a Drill Sargent.
If you teenager isn't attending, what are some solutions you have used? I want to hear.